wake up from your 30 minutes of sleep every night, feed the baby, feed the dog, wash the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry, bath the baby, comfort your screaming baby because he's hungry again, clean poop from your baby's diaper, try to eat breakfast, nurse the baby again, change his clothes because he puked all over the himself, try to put the baby down for a nap, nurse again, prepare dinner, put the clean laundry away, and use the bathroom, take a shower and try to look presentable before your husband comes home from work each day? Is this even possible? Is it because I'm new at this that I can't figure it out?
I feel like a bad mom because I let the baby cry when I use the bathroom. I feel like a bad dog mom because I forget to give the dog his vitamins, I feel like a bad cat mom because I don't even pet the cat, I feel like a bad wife because the house is a mess, I smell, and dinner is rarely done when Sasa gets home from work. Time for myself? HA HA HA!
I went to the doctor's on Tuesday and I guess I'm all healed and ready to return to work. At least physically ready. Mentally I'm not ready. I can't imagine leaving my baby at such a young age. This is torture and I feel like a horrible mother. I wish I would have planned this a little better so I could stay home with my little boy just a bit longer. January 12th is going to be one of the hardest days of my life!
On a happy note, my baby boy is doing great. He is growing so fast. He's beautiful and I couldn't be happier being his mom.
Jen, I've been doing this for 4 1/2 years now. I'm still at a loss for how to do it all. That's part of being a mom. You try your best and keep at it, even though you aren't perfect. Ryan just has to deal with a messy house and no dinner :)
ReplyDeleteKathryn is right Jen! It does get easier in some ways... and then you have another and it starts all over again! You are NOT alone! My house looks like a bomb dropped. Sometimes I attempt to cook dinner... but always AFTER Berto gets home from work! You are doing great! Nikolas is a lucky boy and Sasa is a lucky man! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteOh Jen, I love you. It's hard that us moms question everything we do and get anxious about even the little things. I have to remember to try not to do that, but it's hard not to. Hang in there. It will get easier! One thing that I finally learned (at least somewhat) is that saying that everyone uses, "Appreciate them while they're young. It goes by so fast." The hard times go by fast too, so try to remember you are not always going to be up in the middle of the night with Nikolas or cleaning up spit up. Try to appreciate the good and just soak that all in.
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